Just Because It’s Called End-of-Life Care Doesn’t Mean You Have to Stop Living

When most folks think about end-of-life care, they think of someone who is moments from death's door in a hospital bed, but that's not always the case. Just like we should be calling in palliative care and hospice earlier and using the services a death doula can provide, we should also be thinking about how we can enrich someone's end of life.

A person doesn't stop being a person just because they have reached the end of life.

Just because we are dying doesn't mean we need to sit in a bed with our hands clasped, waiting to transition to the other side and for the credits to roll. Now, if that's your ideal end of life, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If you want to be comfortable in your bed surrounded by the people you love, that's a perfectly valid choice. What I don't want is for anyone to feel like this is what their end of life has to look like simply because they are dying.

The end of life can still be meaningful. It can be filled with experiences, smiles, new memories and even joy and, dare I say it, laughter.

We can and should incorporate things that are enriching into end-of-life care. Many hospices already offer things like music therapy, animal visits, clergy support and even different crafts. Gilchrist, one of my favorite hospices here in Maryland, offers many of these services and I can tell you from my own experience using their services how meaningful they can be.

But we can incorporate so many other things too. Who's to say you have to be limited just because you're receiving hospice care or you're approaching the end of your life?

Do you want to be outdoors and you're physically able to be outside? We should be honoring that. Do you want to have a celebration? Let's celebrate. Do you want to spend the day binging your favorite shows and eating your favorite treats? Let's do it. Do you want to reconnect with people you haven't spoken to in years? Let's make time for that. Do you have hobbies you love? Make time for them. Have you always wanted to learn something new? Why not learn it now?

Bucket list experiences shouldn't automatically be taken off the table either. If you're safely able to do something you've always wanted to do, I want you to be able to experience it. Maybe it's something big and maybe it's something incredibly simple. It doesn't have to be some elaborate adventure to be meaningful.

This is something I really want people to understand about end-of-life care. We can focus on comfort and symptom management while also making room for the things that bring someone happiness. Hospice and palliative care are not about taking away everything that makes someone's life enjoyable. They are about supporting someone through this part of their life, and I think that support should include the things that make them feel like themselves.

If you are dying, you don't suddenly have to stop being curious. You don't have to stop trying new things. You don't have to stop making memories with the people you love. You don't have to stop enjoying your favorite things simply because you're nearing the end of your life. If you're safely able to do something and it's something that brings you comfort, happiness or meaning, why wouldn't we want to make room for it?

If you are already dying, the sky is the limit for what you want to experience as you leave this world, as long as you're safely able to do it. This is your life and your end of life should be about you. Your comfort, your wishes, your relationships, your experiences and the things that are meaningful to you should all have a place in the conversation.

Imagine being able to reach the end of your life and say, "You know what? I did everything I ever wanted to do."

That's what I want people to have the opportunity to experience. Not just a comfortable death, although that is incredibly important, but a meaningful end of life that still leaves room for living.

Because you're not only dying.

You're still here.