What is a death doula and what do they do?

If you have never come across the term "death doula" before, I'm sure you're wondering, "What the heck is a death doula? What do they do? Do I need one? Do I want one?" Let's break it all down.

A death doula is simply a support person who helps folks prepare for the end of life and the process of laboring out of this life. We can wear many hats and help with many aspects of end-of-life care, even before someone is terminal. We all offer a wide range of services that are personalized to the individual doula and their business. However, our core mission is the same across the board: to provide high-quality support.

For me and my business, I focus on a variety of end-of-life services.

One area I help with is end-of-life planning. This includes discussing what kind of funeral services are desired, poems or speeches that may be shared, songs that should be played, and what kind of burial or final disposition is wanted. I can also help connect you with trusted funeral homes, crematories, and cemeteries during this process.

I also offer legacy work, which focuses on what you want to leave behind for your loved ones. We can document who receives certain possessions, write letters for future milestones your loved ones will experience after you're gone, record video messages, document your life story, or even create a cookbook of your favorite recipes to pass down. The sky really is the limit with legacy work. Many clients find this process therapeutic, and it can help ease some of the fears surrounding the question, "Was my life well lived?"

While I am not an attorney and cannot provide legal advice, I can help break down what certain end-of-life planning documents are, why they are important, and help you complete them in a non-legal-advisory capacity. I also provide a packet that we can fill out together to ensure your loved ones have the information they may need after your death, such as passwords, bank accounts, bills, insurance policies, and other important details.

One of the biggest things I do personally is focus on advocacy for the person laboring out of life. This is very near and dear to my heart. I am especially passionate about advocating for hospice services, helping clients maintain their autonomy, and supporting them in having the death they want—or as close to it as possible. After all, it's your show. You should be able to have the grand finale on your terms, not someone else's.

I also provide support to both clients and families during the final stages of life. I offer emotional support as well as practical support. Having gone through the hospice process more than once with my own family, I have a unique perspective on what can be helpful and what may not be. I help normalize the emotions that surround the end of life, check in with loved ones to make sure they're caring for themselves, sit vigil beside those laboring out of life to provide respite, and offer comfort and support to everyone involved.

What Does a Death Doula Not Do?

Again, this will vary by individual doula.

For me, I do not provide services for home funerals. It's simply not something I currently practice. There are many death doulas who do and who feel passionate about that work, but I don't want to do a disservice to families seeking those services.

I also do not provide medical care or medical advice. While I spent many years as an emergency medical technician and have a high level of health literacy, I no longer carry the certifications required to practice. Because of that, I cannot legally provide medical care.

When Should You Contact a Death Doula?

Any time.

End-of-life planning is not reserved for those who are terminally ill. In fact, one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is the peace of mind of knowing that if something were to happen tomorrow, your wishes would be known. It removes one burden from the shoulders of the people who love you.

I help people in all stages of life. It's never too early to make sure your affairs are in order, your wishes are documented, and your loved ones know what matters most to you.

If you're interested in learning more about death doula services or working with me, I offer complimentary consultation sessions that can be scheduled through the Services page on my website.