How do I know it’s a sign?

If you've spent any time on social media after losing someone, you've probably seen the same list over and over.

White feathers.
Pennies.
Cardinals.
Butterflies.

They're often shared as "the" signs from loved ones in spirit.

Here's where I see things a little differently.

In my experience, both personally and in the work I do, signs from our loved ones are usually a whole lot more personal than that.

When I miss my dad, seeing a Baltimore City firetruck at just the right moment gets my attention every single time. That's because he was a Baltimore City firefighter. Someone else might see their mom's favorite flower blooming out of season, hear their grandfather's favorite song at the grocery store, or smell a perfume that instantly brings them back to a memory they hadn't thought about in years.

My grandfather? He's less subtle. Every now and then it's lights flickering, something turning on or off, or a random noise that makes me stop and laugh because I was just thinking about him. It feels like his way of saying, "Yep, I'm still around."

Could someone else explain those moments differently? Absolutely and that's okay.

But if something happens while you're missing someone, and it brings you comfort, makes you feel connected to them, or reminds you that the love you shared didn't disappear when they died, I don't think you need the internet's permission to call that a sign.

Some people may disagree with me, and that's okay too. This isn't about proving anything. It's about recognizing that relationships don't all look the same in life, so why would we expect spirit communication to look exactly the same for everyone after death?

If your grandmother always left little notes for you, maybe your signs show up through words. If your husband always teased you with a certain phrase, maybe you hear it at exactly the moment you needed it. If your dad loved old cars, maybe one keeps showing up when you're having a hard day.

Those moments are personal because your relationship was personal.

I think sometimes social media accidentally convinces people that if it wasn't a cardinal or a feather, then it wasn't a sign from heaven. I don't believe that's true. I also don't believe we have to ignore the moments that bring us peace just because they don't fit neatly into a viral post.

You don't need permission from TikTok.
You don't need permission from Facebook.
And you certainly don't need permission from me.

If something makes you smile through your grief, helps you feel close to someone you love, and reminds you that your connection still matters, it's okay to hold onto that.

Spirit communication isn't black and white, and neither is grief.