Hospice hot take, we are calling hospice services in too late.
Hospice has somehow become the word nobody wants to say out loud. The second someone brings it up, people immediately think it means we've given up on our loved one or that we're somehow saying we're okay with them dying. I understand why people feel that way, but I think that's one of the biggest misconceptions about hospice care.
Now before anyone comes for me, this is my opinion based on both my professional and personal experiences. I think we're calling hospice in too late. Not because families don't love their loved ones enough or aren't fighting hard enough, but because we've attached so much fear and guilt to the word hospice that we wait until someone only has days left before asking for help.
Hospice isn't just there to help someone die. It's there to help them live as comfortably and as fully as possible for whatever time they have left. That's a really important distinction that I don't think gets talked about enough. Hospice is meant to enhance someone's quality of life as the quantity of life begins to decrease.
When most people think of hospice, they picture pain medication and someone coming to check on their loved one. While symptom management is absolutely part of hospice care, that's only one piece of it. Many hospice organizations also offer things like music therapy, pet therapy, art therapy, social workers, chaplains, volunteers, bereavement support, medical equipment, and education for families so they know what to expect. Those services aren't just for the person who is dying. They're for everyone who loves them too.
The reality is that most of us have never had to help someone through the dying process before. We don't know what's normal, what questions to ask, or what resources are available. That's exactly why hospice exists. Calling hospice doesn't mean you're saying, "I want my loved one to die." It means you're recognizing that they deserve comfort, dignity, and support, and honestly, so do you.
One of the questions I see over and over again is, "Is it time to call hospice?" Closely followed by, "Am I wrong for asking about hospice care?" My answer is that asking the question doesn't make you a bad caregiver, spouse, child, or friend. It means you're trying to figure out what support is available. There is nothing wrong with that.
As a death doula, I also see another benefit to bringing hospice in earlier. It gives families time. Time to have the conversations they've been putting off. Time to work on legacy projects. Time to get affairs in order. Time to make memories that aren't centered around medical emergencies. It gives families access to professionals who have walked this road with countless others and can help make an incredibly overwhelming time feel just a little less scary.
I know this might be a hot take, and not everyone will agree with me. That's okay. My opinion isn't changing. I truly believe we're waiting too long because hospice has become this taboo thing that nobody wants to talk about. We whisper the word like saying it somehow means we've stopped loving our person enough to keep fighting.
I don't believe that's true.
I believe hospice is one of the greatest gifts we can give someone when cure is no longer the goal. It isn't about giving up. It's about changing the goal from "How do we fix this?" to "How do we make every day they have left the best day it can be?"
Hospice isn't a dirty word. It never was. The more we normalize talking about hospice and end-of-life care, the more families will realize they don't have to walk this journey alone.
